The future starts tomorrow.

I know, I know. My blog has been kinda like abandoned and I do have a lot to write here but I lack time and the focus to organize words into lines. In this hiatus it became much more introspective than I had planned. The hurricane is passing by and I can see some blue spots in the skies but the wind still swirls around me and I grab what I can meanwhile.

I'm moving to my first ever own apartment on two days. I'll be living alone for the first time in my life. And the feeling of being alone and self-suficient for the first time is challenging, scary and at the same time quite nice.

It feels like a big big effort to strech my back, open my arms and breth in the fresh air. Feels like my arms have been tight around my waist för so long the muscles forgot how to move in the other direction. Maybe the difficulty on streching the arms wide open lies in the fact that the embrace it welcomes will not come. They must be open to welcome the open skies, the sea and the space between the ground and the skies. Nothing else. But that had never happened and whatever is new, is scary. Like stepping on sand for the first time.

And for some strange reason I've been craving being in the water now. I take a bath everyday just to feel my body emerged in water. Is it because the body feels lighter inte the water? Or is it because it has been my biggest fear/trauma since I was a little girl to drawn? So now I'm daring living alone in a country that is not mine and I want to dare to be in the environment I fear most?

I don't have many answers right now but they might come along soon. It does seem like a brighter future coming on, starting tomorrow.